A mother's education... and some other thoughts

I have a very active mind, my husband and I joke that it is like there is a hamster in there that loves to run on the wheel and rarely stops.  I have Always loved learning and college was one of the favorite times of my life, if I could be an eternal college student I'd love it!  We've always talked about how I would take a class here or there once my husband had finished his education and we could afford it.  Now I'm beginning to wonder if it is yet that time of life... I would Love to take a class... and yet, life is so full that I'm not sure that it would fit in now... or even will anytime in the near future.  Being a mother is a full time job!  And one that I love, yet often I find myself looking for a little something for me.  The ideas of what that could be change constantly, everything from a community class, to a creating a small home based business and back again.  As a bit of a perfectionist (in some specific areas, other areas not so much...) I can really get into an idea, make lots of preliminary plans, and then realize that it would cause disruption in our home and family, so I drop it... but I am having a hard time finding something that could fulfill that desire without becoming a distraction from the things and more importantly the people at home that mean the most to me.  So I am turning in circles, most days I am completely happy and love being home every day with my little ones, but there are days that I'm down and out feeling tired and dizzy trying to find a creative outlet.  (The pregnancy hormones are likely to blame for part of it ;-)  I find it funny too that despite the fact that I often feel overwhelmed by the number of things that are on my "to do list" and I'm not getting too, yet I want to add something else to it too!  What an interesting creature a woman is!   I'm digressing, so on to the point of this post...

In some of my pondering and searching I came across some great articles that I wanted to be able to find again and that I feel a desire to write down my thoughts on (mostly so if tomorrow is a tough day I can come back and read this again!)

In the March 1975 Ensign, a section titled "Insights" if you scroll down a little there is an article called "Women and Education" that I found very comforting.  It mentions that we have been taught by the leaders of our Church that "mothers who have young children in the home should devote their primary energies to the companionship and training of their children and the care of their families", and it brings me comfort knowing that I'm working everyday to do just that.  It also talks of how much of a woman's life is not during this stage, and that is one of the reasons why we are encouraged to gain an education. Sometimes when we are in the stage of young children, it is hard and sad to imagine that someday they will no longer be young!  As I transitioned straight from finishing my education into becoming a mother, sometimes I wonder if I will ever really use or need the degrees that I worked to obtain.   So it is nice to think that an education is to prepare us not only for motherhood but also our entire period of life.

At the bottom of the same "Insights" there is an article called "The Creative Climate" and is a great eye opener as to things we say to our children that either cultivate their creativity or discourage it.  Here are a few of the statements that foster courage, self-confidence and creativity:

"That time you almost did it; you're doing better every time.

That's a good idea!

That looks interesting.  Tell me about it.

It's okay if you get dirty.  :-)

Have fun!

I appreciate your help.

What ever you decide is fine with me."
And the list goes on.

I also found an article about "Lifelong Learning" on Mormon.org a few of my favorite quotes from there are "God expects all of us to gather as much knowledge as we are able—at school, at work and on our own. Doing so will help us through the challenges of this life, bring us closer to Him and prepare us for the life to come."  Pres.  Uchtdorf said, "...encourage your families… to learn and become better educated. If formal education is not available, do not allow that to prevent you from acquiring all the knowledge you can. Under such circumstances, the best books, in a sense, can become your 'university'—a classroom that is always open and admits all who apply.”  So even though taking more formal educational classes, or beginning a small home based business is not the best thing to do at this stage of my life, I can continue to learn and I must not become discouraged, but search out the best books to read and to learn from.  Then if the time comes that I can "do more" so to speak, I will be more prepared to succeed.  And even more important is that we find joy in the journey, and as Elder Uchtdorf recently said, "forget not to; be patient with ourselves, the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice, to be happy now, the "why" of the gospel, and that the Lord loves you."

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Admire-ation

A thought I'm pondering on, what promotes the true love and admiration of ones loved-ones?  Both the giving and receiving end of that love and admiration?  The dictionary says that Admiration is "respect and warm approval and pleasurable contemplation"; Admire is "regard with respect or warm approval, look at with pleasure"; Love is "an intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest and pleasure in something". How many of us long to be looked at with love and admire-ation (combined admire and admiration)? And yet how often does it happen? Yesterday, I did something that promoted that look of pleasure, warm approval, and deep love in the eyes of my dear husband. And it struck me to the core that it has been a little while since I've seen that look. I'll admit that being a woman (and a pregnant one at that ;-) my first thoughts about it were not admirable, I was hurt and upset that he doesn't look at me like that as often now as he used to. As I was contemplating why that might be, it started to dawn on to me that maybe it was because I was not promoting those feelings of respect, warm approval, and pleasurable contemplation in him as often as I used to.  I know that he loves me and I love him!  Truly I believe that our marriage in many ways gets better every year, but that does not mean that there are not areas that don't need some work, polishing and shining it to make it sparkly again.  (Have you ever read the  "Eternal Marriage and the Parable of the Silverware"?  It is a great book!)  And what about my four adorable little boys?  How often have I seen that look of loving admiration in their eyes?  More importantly when have the 5 most important men (man & 4 little men) in my life seen that look in my eyes?  What am I doing to inspire that love and admiration for me in them and to find the things in each of them that inspire it in me?  Much to think and ponder on...  I'm looking forward to listening to General Conference today and see what messages the Prophet and Apostles have to share with us today and tomorrow, maybe some will have a lot to do with the things that I need to focus more on, like taking time to love and truly admire and show that love and admiration to the people who are most important in my life.  Because we all need to see that look in someones eyes.

Keeping it real...

Yesterday was a GREAT day!  And today was really good... but reality/discouragement took hold a bit tonight.

So why?  Well things in this household, with 4 boys ages 5yr, 2 - 3yrs, & 1yr old, tend to balance on the edge of what I call survival living... always doing the basics, but isn't that what motherhood is all about?  Possibly, but my husband and I dream of something more!   We would both love for the house to be cleaner and more organized and orderly so that come that one wonderful day of the week when we have a whole day with Daddy, we aren't spending it cleaning!  We have tried multiple times to find solutions and techniques to help me keep up with it all... to no lasting avail.  I took a great class called "A clean house in minutes a day" a year or so ago from Mary Ann of Mary Ann's Cupboards... but didn't implement it into my home at that time (due to Andrew being born).  So I pulled out my class binder and started looking at it. We decided that a good deal of the problem was that our mornings were starting off way to slow with a lot of bad habits.  So we went through and laid out a plan of new good habits to have and do everyday so that I am able to accomplish something more than the absolute basics.  Our day now starts at 6am, earlier if we want any personal study time.  And the first day was AWESOME!  I also found ways to distract the boys from all TV or computer (myself included) for the whole day!!!  We had a great day the best, happiest, and fun filled we've had in a long time!!  On top of that I got a lot of cleaning and organizing done!

Today started off really good... but then a few old habits slipped in, and things started going down hill... I got distracted on the computer for 1/2 hr, and lost the pace that I'd been moving at.  And at the end of the day, honestly my house seems like it is back to square one... floors need vacuumed, mopped, dishes need done, laundry needs folded, toys are scattered, and oh how the paper piles are my nemesis!  No wonder they say a mother's work is never done, whether than means mothering the children, or working in the home it applies both ways I'm sure.  I'm exhausted... so good night and hopefully tomorrow I'll stay on track and feel a little more accomplished by the end of the day.  Though if I look at it through the eyes of being a mother (not the housewife eyes) then today was really good.  The boys had a fun day, we read stories, had "school" time, made bread, went to the park for a picnic with daddy, went shopping, tried to fly a kite in our culdesac, and I feel that I did much better than usual at keeping my patience and responding in loving ways.  Keeping it real... trying to keep a balance.

"No, No, No, No, No"

  If you can imagine hearing the title come from an unhappy 5 year old you just might hear what I heard last night.  "That is all you ever say!  No, no, no, no, no!"  We had just suggested that there was no dessert for the evening, since Halloween and each proceeding holiday, we seem to have had candy in our home consistently.  And we are trying to scale it back (I just need to throw it out, then there would be no discussion. ;-)   He also mentioned this same thing a few nights ago, when he really opened up to me about some of his frustrations, as well as that I say "just a minute" far to often.  And honestly it took me back for a minute, realizing what I was doing.  As I thought on it, a quote I had read came to mind - again from Sis. Hinckley's book.

"My mother taught me some basic philosophies of rearing children.  One is that you have to trust children.  I tried hard never to say "no" if I could possibly say "yes."  I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could." pg.55

I would like my boys to feel that I trust them and that they are responsible... so I'm going to work on not saying no, except for when it Really matters.  I remember in one of my Family Sciences classes discussing how parents should try to save saying "No" for life and death sort of matters or in other words the times that it is really important and then children will learn to respect that word more.  And not feel like "I think that is the 100th time today I've heard you say no, why does it matter more this time?"  Beyond that they will feel validated and that you have more respect for them because you aren't always giving negative feedback.  Of course that doesn't mean you are a doormat to their whims!  There are a multitude of other ways to help a child realize that something can't happen the way they want or right at that moment.  What else is there to do?  Ask questions!  If I ask them what is right or wrong (there should be some background lessons during unemotional teaching moments on what is right and wrong) or what we should do, they usually know!  If not it is much easier to help them find the right answer then when I say no....  When they give me the answer, they are far less likely to think that throwing a fit will change my mind.  They also feel like they are more in control of themselves which helps them feel responsible, trusted, and valued.  And though it is sometimes harder for me to do because it requires more forethought... it is much easier and happier for everyone involved!

First Week

I think that to start I'm going to make one goal a week and work towards that goal. It seems to me that without good daily habits in place to allow for the openings of time in which to teach, it would be difficult to slow down from the daily race of getting things done to focus on teaching the children. And unfortunately I have lots of good habits to re-introduce into our daily lives. It seems that with the busyness that came into our lives with having four babies in four years, along with the times that I was restricted in activity through pregnancies, bed-rest, and nursing babies, we fell into the bad habits of crisis living or in other words survival living. Just doing the things that were most important to survival and missing out on a lot of the normal things that bring stability and spontaneity and joy into life. Don't get me wrong we find the greatest joy and love together and in our children, but we seemed to live day-to-day "putting out the biggest fire first". Things are settling down (at least it seems that way) or maybe I'm just finally realizing everything that needs to be put in it's place so that we can have a stable day-to-day life and be emotionally, physically, and mentally in the right places to teach, help, and show greater love to these wonderful little boys each day of their lives.

Goal #1: Reading time - 15 mins a day (It usually ends up being more, but it helps if I say 15 mins.) After each Goal post - I will come back and amend the post each day and report how things have gone. Since I didn't write this post until Thursday... I'll go back and re-cap on the week to date.

Monday - We went to story time at the library today. Then picked out a slew of new books to bring home, most from the early readers section so that I can start working with Alex on reading. After naps we read a handful of them.

Tuesday - Well it is actually Thursday and I'm not really remembering what we did on Tuesday. I know that I went to a Town meeting, and when I came home Daddy had made the boys an awesome couch fort! They had been reading in there with him, so that will be today's reading.

Wednesday - We sat down to read to the boys. At first they wanted to go outside, or watch a movie, or color. But I sat down and started reading and they joined in. We read from McGuffey's Eclectic Primer, Alex read some words all by himself. Michael and Matthew were thrilled to find "my name" (or be able to identify the first letter of their names) in the book. Then we read 2 articles out of The Friend. And some fun poems from a library book.

Thursday - Well today was a long day, we did a lot. Spent the morning trying to get ready for the park... almost didn't make it. Stayed at the Park until nap time. Got naps, up and back at the normals of diaper changes, dinner, and then headed out to the store. Stopped at Daddy's office to see him (he's working late tonight). And got home and ready for bed... and it's 9pm. So we read one quick story and tucked into bed... 15 mins of reading didn't happen today. Good thing other days are usually more!

Friday - Today (and yesterday) I'm just in one of those moods. I don't know why, maybe it's because our house is a disaster and I don't even know where to start and just feel so overwhelmed. Most likely... and I have all these "projects" that I wish I could be working on, but feel like I can't because I haven't gotten my 'work' done first. Hmm... the joys of responsibility. Maybe it'll get me going again if I write it out... the morning was really pretty good. I got up a little before 6am (Thank you to my dear husband's help), quickly got ready for the day, fed Andrew, and was out the door by 6:45am, on my way to Grandpa's (alone!) to pick raspberries. I wasn't 3 mins away and I got pulled over! I thought I was out of the 25 mph zone... but obviously not! It must be my lucky day, he didn't cite me (and I've been told the police in our new town will usually cite if your going 5 over... I was doing 10.) Got to Grandpa's and an hour later (Thank You to Grandpa's help!) had a huge bowl and part of a smaller bowl full. Home by 8:30am so Daddy could head to work. Washed and put up half the raspberries, went out back with the boys and attacked our overgrown garden again... note to self, next year PLANT when you rotatille, once the weeds come back in it's 10 times harder and longer! Planted some carrots. Came in got lunch, made some sourdough english muffins from scratch! They are SO good! Reading time with the boys, we read 4-5 library books. Put boys down, and now... I just want to vegg... but oh, my house is ridiculously cluttered. I am wishing I was the 'Genie' or had one in a lamp somewhere!