Hands Full of "LOVE"

Adorable little hands and feet... many say I have my "hands full", 

I agree, full of LOVE!

Admire-ation

A thought I'm pondering on, what promotes the true love and admiration of ones loved-ones?  Both the giving and receiving end of that love and admiration?  The dictionary says that Admiration is "respect and warm approval and pleasurable contemplation"; Admire is "regard with respect or warm approval, look at with pleasure"; Love is "an intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest and pleasure in something". How many of us long to be looked at with love and admire-ation (combined admire and admiration)? And yet how often does it happen? Yesterday, I did something that promoted that look of pleasure, warm approval, and deep love in the eyes of my dear husband. And it struck me to the core that it has been a little while since I've seen that look. I'll admit that being a woman (and a pregnant one at that ;-) my first thoughts about it were not admirable, I was hurt and upset that he doesn't look at me like that as often now as he used to. As I was contemplating why that might be, it started to dawn on to me that maybe it was because I was not promoting those feelings of respect, warm approval, and pleasurable contemplation in him as often as I used to.  I know that he loves me and I love him!  Truly I believe that our marriage in many ways gets better every year, but that does not mean that there are not areas that don't need some work, polishing and shining it to make it sparkly again.  (Have you ever read the  "Eternal Marriage and the Parable of the Silverware"?  It is a great book!)  And what about my four adorable little boys?  How often have I seen that look of loving admiration in their eyes?  More importantly when have the 5 most important men (man & 4 little men) in my life seen that look in my eyes?  What am I doing to inspire that love and admiration for me in them and to find the things in each of them that inspire it in me?  Much to think and ponder on...  I'm looking forward to listening to General Conference today and see what messages the Prophet and Apostles have to share with us today and tomorrow, maybe some will have a lot to do with the things that I need to focus more on, like taking time to love and truly admire and show that love and admiration to the people who are most important in my life.  Because we all need to see that look in someones eyes.

Understanding Emotions

There was a wonderful write up in the Church News about "Understanding emotions in early childhood helps overall health."  (You can listen to the whole lecture here or here.)  It really brought home for me and put into words some of the feelings and thoughts that I have been pondering lately.  That of the difference between the worlds multiple pop-parenting views and ideas, and that of a Christ like Charity, true gospel centered parenting.  I feel like my mind has been so bombarded with all of the social stigmas of what a child should and should not say or do, the schedule a child should keep, and the best methods of how to get a child to do what you want him/her to do, that I have allowed some bad habits into our parenting lives.  And lately it has been really pressing upon my mind, wondering what the true approaches should be, and how to still the frustration that I feel when one of my boys doesn't always do what I want him to do when I want him to do it or acts out in ways that I think are unacceptable.  I have been feeling lately that a lot of the little things that happen daily don't really matter in the eternal sense of things, you know; a potty accident, not being as quick getting ready for the day, getting out of bed at night for this-that-or the other.  It isn't what they do or don't do that matters, it is what I do or don't do in response that matters!  It really hit home when I heard my oldest child reprimanding one of the younger ones and thought "where did he learn to that?" and realized that unfortunately he has learned it from me.  It wasn't awful but it wasn't charitable loving or kind.  And I realized that with all I'm 'trying' to 'teach' them by different 'methods' isn't really teaching them, it was my attitude, tone of voice, and facial expressions that they were really learning, my charity and love or lack there of.  And I must say that when feeling frustrated that they 'still hadn't learned not to _______'  (hit their brother, call names, fight, take toys away, etc... all ways that children express their feelings); that my tone of voice and attitude was generally frustrated or aggravated or exasperated, not so charitable...  and I have been pondering on and working on seeing things from a different light.  Trying not to compare my children to what I think everyone else might think of them (because really I doubt anyone really takes the time to analyze them like that anyway... I know I don't do that to anyone else's children, my mind is usually to full of taking care of my children).   Instead I am going to work on seeing them as the Savior does, as Heavenly Father wants me to see them, and to love them and Show that Love in my face, tone of voice, actions, and words.  That they learn by my example to be kind and loving and to teach each other, instead of reprimanding or commanding, to help us all along the path of charity, love, and back into our Father's loving arms.

Some other wonderful thoughts and resources that enhance the idea of charitable Parenting:


Chapter 3: Teaching Infants and Toddlers: from Birth to Approximately Three Years,"  A Parent's Guide, (1985)

"While your children are very young, you can teach them the value of loving and being loved. "

"... if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them. For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and your [children]—however wayward they might be … when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but … approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. … Get them to feel as you feel, have interest in the things in which you take interest, to love the gospel as you love it, to love one another as you love them; to love their parents as the parents love the children. You can’t do it any other way” 

“our children are the most precious gift that our Father bestows upon us. If we can guide their feet in the pathway of salvation, there will be joy eternal for us and for them”

 "Be loving when you correct your children. Do not withhold affection from them as a way to chastise them, for they may not learn to give affection to others."

Chapter 4: Teaching Children: from Four to Eleven Years," A Parent’s Guide, (1985)

"The home is the best place in the world to teach the child self-restraint, to give him happiness in self-control, and respect for the rights of others."

“I feel that the first contribution of the home to the happiness of the child is to impress him with the fact that there are bounds beyond which he cannot go with safety; second, to teach him to be considerate of the rights of others; third, to have him feel that home is a place where confidences and consolations are exchanged; and fourth, to have him cherish the thought that home is a haven of seclusion and rest from the worries and perplexities of life” ~ Pres. David O. McKay

Now, just because I have written this, am I doing it just perfectly?  No, I am human, I make mistakes.  But I am working on Becoming better and striving to do these things!  That is the great thing about this life, we get to consistently work to Become more than we are, more like Him.  And writing it all out, helps, because now on 'one of those days' I can come back and read and re-experience the feelings and answers that I have found, to help me continue working to Become the best mother that I can be.

Pre-school musings.... again....

I am constantly trying to assess the best ways to "pre-school" our little boys and I continue to find that I am not in agreement with the ideas that are presented in many preschools and preschool curriculum's.  Children are meant to be children, and from many of my studies, even as an Early-childhood education major in college, I  find more and more evidence that the logic of learning through enjoyable, relaxed, and home-made activities and from the everyday love and guidance of the mother, is the best possible education a child can have!  I keep fretting that I haven't "scheduled" out a perfect preschool for 2 hours twice a week.  But then I see how much enjoyment my boys have in being able to just do things when we are in the right moment.  For example, the other morning they had a ball cutting up construction paper into a million little pieces, there was no pressure to cut perfectly on the lines or peer pressure, but they are learning to use scissors and fine-motor skills and mostly enjoying being a child and exploring the cause and effects in their world.

 As I think back to when I was a child... I was not required to preform and do certain things that put me under pressure to "do it right, or like so-and-so"?  I was allowed the freedom to explore and try new things within the safety and security of a loving home environment.  I think most of us who are mothers now did not experience preschool, as it was not such a widespread and "expected" thing during our childhood.  In fact Pre-school was started as a program for children who were deprived a stable loving environment to learn the basics in, and it has obviously changed into a social "norm".  We may not have had all the experiences, socialization, and crafts in the same manner that can be had now... but I certainly do not regret it!

 I had my mother, she lovingly watched over me, she sang to me, she read to me, she taught me many things through everyday experiences, she gave me the freedom to enjoy my childhood without the structure and pressures of adult life and schooling at too young an age.  That is what I want for my children.  Life has so many pressures and structure and responsibility and time passes all to quickly.  Children are meant to learn joy from their mothers, just as we are meant to have Joy in our children, and we can learn so much from watching and taking time to be with them and love them.  And to experience the joy and satisfaction of seeing their eyes light up when they learn something new for the first time.

 I love Sis. Hinckley's attitude toward having her children at home "(she) loved the sound of the screen door slamming shut as the children ran in from the backyard... Marjorie savored the days she had her five to herself, and she went to great lengths to keep summers unstructured so her young ones would have time to lie in the gully and listen to the birds sing if they wanted to.  She wept each fall when it was time to send her brood back to school; even when school was in session she looked forward to the moment each day when her children burst through the door and started scrounging for an afternoon snack..." Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley pg.52-53  I want to cultivate that feeling into my heart, family, and my children's lives.  THIS is my time to enjoy every minute I can and teach my children through my daily living and love.

    But believe me, I have days that I just needed a break from it all and that life and responsibilities seems so very demanding.  I am not the perfect mother, no one is, but I am working on becoming the best mother I can be, as we all are.  I love the word becoming, to become means: to undergo change or development, and I like the idea that we are all working towards becoming who we and more importantly who our Beloved Father in Heaven wants us to become.  I feel that that means that we don't have to be perfect right now, we all make mistakes, but we can continue to work toward what we can become, and it gives me hope and optimism.  

Some links that have furthered my thoughts on preschool...

Should I send my child to Preschool?
Better Late than Early