"A child's work is a child's play"

Oh to be young again!  I was reading a great article called In the Sandbox at You Can Teach.  The following really struck me, it hit home, I did not go to preschool as a child, and I don't feel that I was at any disadvantage, I do remember running and playing outside through the summers and winters.  Exploring, learning, helping cook, gather eggs, feed baby calves, mother reading stories to us, especially her singing us a song or two after tucking us in at night.  I want to teach my children the same ways.  Obviously there are days that their energy levels exceed my own (and in truth my patience too...) but I am going to strive to remember the following as we go along.

"To teach children when they are young is much more about playing and discovering and much less about crayons and glue and workbooks. If we provide activities that will help children move, discover, play, create, sing, and work, they will be learning through experience more than we can teach them in any other way. "A child's work is a child's play" is an absolute truth. It is how they learn about their environment, their abilities, and their place in the world.

      If the kids get tired after 1 or 2 activities, we will read, or sing, or go play in the sandbox. No pushing, no forcing, and it should be fun for them or the whole point is missed. So much of preschooling or educating our children seems to involve training them to learn by force, sitting down at a table filling out worksheets or practicing flash cards. How much more effective we can be if we will find the things they enjoy and help them learn and discover the treasure of it all.

      Even if it's in the sandbox."    ~ You Can Teach.com

How true it is, the last few days I was lamenting because I had slacked off on the reading 15 mins goal... and it has been an incredible struggle of late to get the boys to settle down and quiet down long enough to get in even the title of the book, little lone much more.  Then I was reading today in Teaching Children Joy by Linda & Richard Eyre about "how children love it when they find that their parents have imaginations!"  There was more, and I decided to put it too the test.  The boys ran into my room moments later chasing after each other and screaming (their favorite game!) and I turned out the lights and told them to run out to the living room because I had a surprise for them.  I through on a big fuzzy brown robe and came stomping out saying I was the big reading bear and if they wanted to join me to jump up on the couch.  They thought it was hilarious (the fact that my voice sounds like a bear right now due to a bad sinus infection I'm sure helped add to the fun!).  And before they knew it I had read my voice hoarse!   Hooray!  It was such fun.  And then we played a tickle game, they had to clean up one toy and then I'd tickle them or catch them and eat them up.  Then they'd run off to find another toy to clean up and come scampering back to be "caught" again... it is funny how making things funny or fun can make ALL the difference in the world in getting children to help or read or play nice or take a bath or get dressed for bed, etc...  And it is more funny sad how dad-gum hard it can be as an adult to do it that way instead of rolling our eyes (which no doubt is where teenagers learn it, is in their toddlerhood ;-) and getting frustrated and forcing the issue one way or another.  So another goal:  Work on making child's work = child's play, and learn to make mommy's work more in line with mommy's play too!

What comprises True Joy?

"Peace, serenity, trust, security, happiness ...

 these wonderful emotions are what comprise true joy... and they cannot exist in a heart that is not absolutely faithful."..."If an individual is not experiencing these sweet emotions, then I don't see how it is possible for him to be experiencing joy."  "And of course the opposite is also true, when such emotions are lacking, then joy is out the window and the individual feels only misery."  Girl at the crossing. ~ Blaine M Yorgason

As Mother's and Father's what more can we hope for for our children?  "men are, that they might have joy" 2 Ne 2:25.  And yet that joy sometimes seems swallowed up in the busyness of life and sometimes men seek after the wrong things that do not bring true joy.  How to get it back again?  Well it seems that a successful business has to "brand" itself with ~3 motto words and then work with those words always in the forefront of all they do.   It seems wise that a successful family would "brand" themselves with special words that make up who they are and all that they want to be.  I think I'm going to make up a nice design with these words to hang up and be able to see everyday, so that I can keep them in the forefront of all I do as a mother to brand these emotions into our everyday lives, so that we might have joy.

Mother - teach the baby to sleep

The past few nights have been long.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who have had nights when a little one has a tough time staying asleep!  Andrew (9 months) was waking up every 2 hours and only going back to sleep through rocking and nursing, then repeating that multiple times.  Any mother (and father) knows that wears you down after a bit and you start wondering what to do.  I sometimes wish I knew the things I know now with my first baby, and I am sure I'll think that again as the years pass by.

So I sat wondering what to do and how to help all of us get a better nights sleep, I pondered over the many different "solutions".  Everything from cry it out, to give up and let him out for a little bit and then try again, to continuing to be waken every other hour.  None really seemed such a great idea.  I have sworn off the cry it out solution forever if I can help it.  We tried that with Michael & Matthew and not only did it break my heart to pieces, it taught Alex - then 2 - that it was okay for them to cry... not a good thing.  And I'm sure it wasn't the most emotionally healthy thing for them.  I hope that it isn't a scar they carry for life.  The continued rocking to sleep thing isn't the best either, that is what I did with Alex and there comes a point where it just doesn't work anymore and that is a hard transition.  Plus I really need my sleep to keep up with life.  And we've always had the rule (that breaks now and then) that once it is bedtime we don't come out of our rooms til morning... and we start that with our babies.   There go all those options...  so as I sat rocking him at 12:30 the second night in a row I was pondering and my thoughts came back to "Mother, teach the children"... hmmm how does that apply here.  And I decided that I needed to teach Andrew how to go back to sleep if he stirs or wakes during the night, teach him to "fish" so to speak instead of giving him a fish.  I remember reading some things in a book called "The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan" a very good book in my opinion, and decided to try some.  So at 2:30am when Andrew woke again, I went in and calmed him down by giving him a hug, but without picking him up out of the crib.  Then when he had settled down a bit, I sat next to the crib and put my arms through the bars.  Over the next hour I worked at soothing him and keeping him from standing up on the side of the crib, laying him down at times (though he'd sit right back up), and just working on helping him stay calm but not playing.  I kept patting the mattress with my hand, next to him as he sat there, trying to encourage him to lay down himself.  He laid down a couple of times then would sit up then I'd pat the mattress and he'd lay down again and finally he stayed down and started breathing heavily.  And after about an hour it all worked.   Success!  Or so I hoped.  I hardly had laid down in my bed when he started crying again.  Obviously he wasn't completely asleep yet.  So I went back and did the same things over again, this time it only took about 15 mins.  And this time he slept through the night!!   This was the second time I tried this, I did it a few weeks ago too, I need to be more consistent with it, but usually Andrew does sleep through the night.

So why is this so important?  Well, one - though it did take longer initially than feeding and rocking him to sleep, I didn't have to be getting up every other hour again through the night!  And hopefully it won't take too many of these mommy teach me to sleep sessions, til he can help himself back to sleep and know that night is for sleeping. Two - He went to sleep!  And he didn't have to cry until he zonked out from sheer exhaustion (which really doesn't teach him anything very fast... and we'd end up having the same situation night after night for a long while.)  Three - I don't feel like I'm deserting him when he is crying for me and I'm not coming, we both feel validated and loved and respected.  My heart is NOT getting ripped out of me as it would if I was laying in bed listening to my baby crying.  We all feel better and happier in the end.  And I feel like I'm following the Savior's example of having Christ like love and charity as the guiding factor in my life as a mother.  As I said to my husband, "This is what Mom's are for" and what being a mom is all about.

Hope you can find what works for you and your baby!  And here's hoping that we can keep finding what works for us, as any mother knows the minute you think you figure something out that works... the child grows and changes and so you are able to grow and change again too!

AFTERTHOUGHT:  Just wanted to say... that that was what worked for me that night, that child, that place in time.  It won't always work, there are no quick fix, one size for everyone solution that will do the "trick".  You have to take into consideration your child, his/her age and temperament, your self, your family, your situation.  If my thoughts helped, great, if not, don't worry about it, find what works for you and your little one!

Developing Self-Esteem

So... it has been a little while, but what do I expect?  Between 4 little ones under the age of almost 5, working as my husbands book-keeper, marketer, blog, and seo person, and trying to be a good house wife, I find myself a little short on time now and then ;-).  On top of that we've been going through quite a round of illnesses of late, here's hoping we are done with those!

Back to self-esteem.  In college I studied Family Science and one class I took was Parenting.  It was the greatest class!  How do I remember that since this was back in 2001?  Well, I found all my notes from it and WOW!!!  I am SO excited to be going back through them, I wish I was more like a computer and could keep all the data that I learn closer at hand in my mind, but then computers hard drives seem to crash at about 5 yrs (or sooner) so I guess I'm glad I don't hold all that data!  Anyway I wanted to share some of my notes, because I think they are Great.  The first round is focused more on Moms, which seems natural for if we don't develop a healthy self-esteem, how can we teach our children to?  So here goes, Enjoy!

Developing Self-Esteem

Basically everyone compares them-self to someone else, the bad thing is that we usually take one of our weak points & compare it to someone else's strengths.  This tears us down & robs us of our self-confidence.  Comparisons really don't count, unless we are comparing how we are not to how we used to be as a personal check.

"Our only valid... competition is with our old selves, not with each other." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Learn to Love You!

We cannot open our hearts & love other people until we understand how important it is to love ourselves.  Not in the stuck-up, prideful sense but in a comfortable acceptance of who you are and what you can become.

Make Goals to Improve, learn to control yourself, and change what you can.

"to be successful... we must learn to control our lives, our habits, attitudes, and desires."

• Goal & Decision making - now that you have an idea of what needs changed you need to get to work.  You need to make decisions of what needs some change & how to bring it about.  Then make some realistic goals.
• Be in Control - work from the inside-out
• Some ways to gain control are...

1. ATTITUDE COUNTS! - What does your attitude say about you?  Do you let little things bring you down?  Or are you usually jumping in with a happy, positive outlook?  When you find yourself whining or grouchy, turn it around.  Your countenance reflects the feelings you carry within.  SMILE!! A lot!  "A smile is a light in the window of a face which shows that the heart is home."
2. Be Positive - Challenge - One day, vow to think only positive thoughts about you and everyone else.  Chase criticisms away like the plague.  Don't complain about one things for 24 hours.  See how it feels.  "A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows."
3. Share Your Emotions - Better friendships come from opening up.  Holding in those feelings that are best expressed can deny some extra blessings of closer friends.  Strength comes from sharing.
4. Laugh
5. Have Fun!
6. Let go of unnecessary guilt - don't feel guilty for something that is not your fault, no matter what it is.
7. Learn to Work Hard and Enjoy It!
8. Stop and Smell the Roses
9. Serve Others -  as we take time to serve, we will find more time, it will work for our good, it helps lift our spirits, makes us better people, and increases happiness. 
10. Be sensitive to other people & respect their feelings.
11. Give Compliments
12. Increase your circle of friends - reach out to those around you.
13. Get out of your comfort zone - meet new people.
14. Be Humble - life will feel less complicated if you let the Lord guide your path, you will be happier.  Don't be big-headed.  Roll with the punches easier.  Can find all the confidence you'll ever need.
15. Keep the Commandments -  in this there is safety in this there is peace.  Love the world and people = happier.
16. Stick to your standards - nothing is worth compromising your morals or cheapening your behavior.
17. Remember your Divine Nature - you Are a Child of God!  You can rise about worldliness and realize how important you are.   "The greatest gift I could give to you, is if you could see yourself the way I do."
18. You are of Infinite Worth.
19. Be Grateful - Have you ever seen a happy person who was not thankful? 1 Thes 5:18 "in everything give thanks."  "A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness." ~ Elder James E. Faust
20. Count your many blessing
21. Make a list of things you do well - ex. good listener, patience, calming influence, peace maker, keep your word, etc...
22. Gain a Strong & Healthy Relationship with your Father in Heaven -  through prayer, scripture study, repentance, and living the commandments.  "Developing spirituality and attuning ourselves to the highest influences of godliness is not an easy matter.  It takes time and frequently involves a struggle.  It will not happen by chance, but is accomplished only through deliberate effort by calling upon God and keep His commandments." ~ Pres. Howard W. Hunter

• Practice makes perfect - maybe not perfect in this life, but if we keep trying to do our best, in the next.  These goals and others won't just happen all of a sudden.  You'll make mistakes but keep trying and it will happen.
• Focus on your Truest Friend - who do you think that is?  He stands by you through everything and loves you always.  He is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  We will all go through times of despair and heartache but if we trust Him everything will be okay.  He knows what is best for us and will give you what you need.  Just put your Trust in Him.  "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.  Our love of the Lord will govern the claims of our affection, the demands of our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities." ~ Pres. Ezra Taft Benson

Don't EVER Give Up!

Have you ever felt like that frog who's head is already in the pelican's mouth, but still holding on for dear life?  Well what ever you do, don't let go or it is over.  Don't give excuses.  Be responsible!  If you have tried & failed, try taking a smaller step and then another.  Don't try jumping the Grand Canyon.

"Do Not give up Hope.  And do not give up trying.  But do give up being obsessed with it.  The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably."  ~ Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

• Don't become discouraged - get rid of the bad feelings, replace with encouragement.  "It was meant to be that life would be a challenge.  To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.  Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them.  Things will straighten out.  There is a great purpose in our struggle in life."  ~ Elder Boyd K. Packer
• Did you think to Pray?  - Prayer will get you closer to your goals and help you appreciate them more than anything else.  Not just a run of the mill prayer but a real prayer, communication between us and our Father.  Open your heart and let it all out, ask questions and wait for answers. Really Pray, don't just say your prayers.
• Just Do It!  - You must do the work to feel good about yourself, you have got to figure things out and do better, and be better.  Learning to love yourself is not necessarily easy but it is essential to finding joy.  If you don't like yourself, you're missing out.  Try reframing your opinion and improve yourself daily.  Most important Accept those things about you that you can't change

Ether 12:27 - "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I will admit that I needed this!  A lot to think about and I feel encouraged to keep striving to do my best.  I hope that if anyone is out there reading this, that it helps you too.

More to come on helping Children develop a healthy Self-esteem....