Every mother teaches her children, whether you have just a few minutes a day or 24/7 to be teaching, you CAN and DO teach your Children!

This is just a little notebook tucked away on the web for all the little things I'm learning as I teach my children, but mostly learn from them, and especially the things I wish I could have known 6 children ago! Becoming a Mother is such a beautiful and strenuous process that unfolds line upon line.

Enjoy and please feel free to contribute thoughts, links, and ideas you have or find!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Developing Self-Esteem

So... it has been a little while, but what do I expect?  Between 4 little ones under the age of almost 5, working as my husbands book-keeper, marketer, blog, and seo person, and trying to be a good house wife, I find myself a little short on time now and then ;-).  On top of that we've been going through quite a round of illnesses of late, here's hoping we are done with those!

Back to self-esteem.  In college I studied Family Science and one class I took was Parenting.  It was the greatest class!  How do I remember that since this was back in 2001?  Well, I found all my notes from it and WOW!!!  I am SO excited to be going back through them, I wish I was more like a computer and could keep all the data that I learn closer at hand in my mind, but then computers hard drives seem to crash at about 5 yrs (or sooner) so I guess I'm glad I don't hold all that data!  Anyway I wanted to share some of my notes, because I think they are Great.  The first round is focused more on Moms, which seems natural for if we don't develop a healthy self-esteem, how can we teach our children to?  So here goes, Enjoy!

Developing Self-Esteem
Basically everyone compares them-self to someone else, the bad thing is that we usually take one of our weak points & compare it to someone else's strengths.  This tears us down & robs us of our self-confidence.  Comparisons really don't count, unless we are comparing how we are not to how we used to be as a personal check.
"Our only valid... competition is with our old selves, not with each other." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Learn to Love You!
We cannot open our hearts & love other people until we understand how important it is to love ourselves.  Not in the stuck-up, prideful sense but in a comfortable acceptance of who you are and what you can become.

Make Goals to Improve, learn to control yourself, and change what you can.
"to be successful... we must learn to control our lives, our habits, attitudes, and desires."
  • Goal & Decision making - now that you have an idea of what needs changed you need to get to work.  You need to make decisions of what needs some change & how to bring it about.  Then make some realistic goals.
  • Be in Control - work from the inside-out
    • Some ways to gain control are...
  1. ATTITUDE COUNTS! - What does your attitude say about you?  Do you let little things bring you down?  Or are you usually jumping in with a happy, positive outlook?  When you find yourself whining or grouchy, turn it around.  Your countenance reflects the feelings you carry within.  SMILE!! A lot!  "A smile is a light in the window of a face which shows that the heart is home."
  2. Be Positive - Challenge - One day, vow to think only positive thoughts about you and everyone else.  Chase criticisms away like the plague.  Don't complain about one things for 24 hours.  See how it feels.  "A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows."
  3. Share Your Emotions - Better friendships come from opening up.  Holding in those feelings that are best expressed can deny some extra blessings of closer friends.  Strength comes from sharing.
  4. Laugh
  5. Have Fun!
  6. Let go of unnecessary guilt - don't feel guilty for something that is not your fault, no matter what it is.
  7. Learn to Work Hard and Enjoy It!
  8. Stop and Smell the Roses
  9. Serve Others -  as we take time to serve, we will find more time, it will work for our good, it helps lift our spirits, makes us better people, and increases happiness. 
  10. Be sensitive to other people & respect their feelings.
  11. Give Compliments
  12. Increase your circle of friends - reach out to those around you.
  13. Get out of your comfort zone - meet new people.
  14. Be Humble - life will feel less complicated if you let the Lord guide your path, you will be happier.  Don't be big-headed.  Roll with the punches easier.  Can find all the confidence you'll ever need.
  15. Keep the Commandments -  in this there is safety in this there is peace.  Love the world and people = happier.
  16. Stick to your standards - nothing is worth compromising your morals or cheapening your behavior.
  17. Remember your Divine Nature - you Are a Child of God!  You can rise about worldliness and realize how important you are.   "The greatest gift I could give to you, is if you could see yourself the way I do."
  18. You are of Infinite Worth.
  19. Be Grateful - Have you ever seen a happy person who was not thankful? 1 Thes 5:18 "in everything give thanks."  "A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness." ~ Elder James E. Faust
  20. Count your many blessing
  21. Make a list of things you do well - ex. good listener, patience, calming influence, peace maker, keep your word, etc...
  22. Gain a Strong & Healthy Relationship with your Father in Heaven -  through prayer, scripture study, repentance, and living the commandments.  "Developing spirituality and attuning ourselves to the highest influences of godliness is not an easy matter.  It takes time and frequently involves a struggle.  It will not happen by chance, but is accomplished only through deliberate effort by calling upon God and keep His commandments." ~ Pres. Howard W. Hunter
  • Practice makes perfect - maybe not perfect in this life, but if we keep trying to do our best, in the next.  These goals and others won't just happen all of a sudden.  You'll make mistakes but keep trying and it will happen.
  • Focus on your Truest Friend - who do you think that is?  He stands by you through everything and loves you always.  He is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  We will all go through times of despair and heartache but if we trust Him everything will be okay.  He knows what is best for us and will give you what you need.  Just put your Trust in Him.  "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.  Our love of the Lord will govern the claims of our affection, the demands of our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities." ~ Pres. Ezra Taft Benson
Don't EVER Give Up!
Have you ever felt like that frog who's head is already in the pelican's mouth, but still holding on for dear life?  Well what ever you do, don't let go or it is over.  Don't give excuses.  Be responsible!  If you have tried & failed, try taking a smaller step and then another.  Don't try jumping the Grand Canyon.
"Do Not give up Hope.  And do not give up trying.  But do give up being obsessed with it.  The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably."  ~ Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
  • Don't become discouraged - get rid of the bad feelings, replace with encouragement.  "It was meant to be that life would be a challenge.  To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.  Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them.  Things will straighten out.  There is a great purpose in our struggle in life."  ~ Elder Boyd K. Packer
  • Did you think to Pray?  - Prayer will get you closer to your goals and help you appreciate them more than anything else.  Not just a run of the mill prayer but a real prayer, communication between us and our Father.  Open your heart and let it all out, ask questions and wait for answers. Really Pray, don't just say your prayers.
  • Just Do It!  - You must do the work to feel good about yourself, you have got to figure things out and do better, and be better.  Learning to love yourself is not necessarily easy but it is essential to finding joy.  If you don't like yourself, you're missing out.  Try reframing your opinion and improve yourself daily.  Most important Accept those things about you that you can't change
Ether 12:27 - "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I will admit that I needed this!  A lot to think about and I feel encouraged to keep striving to do my best.  I hope that if anyone is out there reading this, that it helps you too.

More to come on helping Children develop a healthy Self-esteem....

1 comment:

  1. Great thoughts! I think these apply to almost any situation in life, and I think we forget sometimes in the rush of things that our outlook (and in-look) make a great difference in how things turn out.


    Your husband.


Every child and every adult is individual and different! When you are doing your best and seeking inspiration as to what is best for your child(ren) you will be given the guidance that you and they need. It likely will be quite different than what I or someone else is doing, but you need to do what is right and best for your child. I hope that some of my experiences can help someone on their quest to learn how to become all that they can become, I am glad that I have recorded them!

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