Jumping into Spring ~ Starting anew ~ Creating a house of Order!

Hello and Welcome!

Today is the beginning of much! It is Spring and BEAUTIFUL!! The flowers are blooming, the day is warm, and we are beginning a new journey! Your welcome to join us!

The Goal #1 - Become Organized, Set our Home in Order!

"Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house,

even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning,

a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God." D&C 88:119 (emphasis added)

Once Order is put in place (as much as possible) - hopefully by summer's end -

Goal #2 - Compile a LDS Gospel Based Pre-School Curriculum - that can be used by mother's everywhere, within their own homes with their own Children. The plan is to compile 1-2 lessons every week, as we do it here, and post it here on my blog - so anyone can Teach Their Children. It will not be just for Preschool but also for mothers to find an alphabetized list of resources to teach their children at any time; FHE, after-school, Sunday activities, lessons, basically any time you want to teach children a gospel principle there will be an index of great articles and coloring/activity pages to go along.

Okay - back to Goal #1! I'm breaking this down into baby steps! Otherwise I'd become overwhelmed and give it up ~ which has happened before ~ but this time I want to feel accountable to someone, so if you are out there and want to tell someone about how your goals are coming, say Hi in the comments, set your goal, and we'll all work together to attain our goals!

Baby Steps - A few of the ones I'm thinking are needed... more to come I'm sure!

#1 ~ A Schedule/chore chart (kids)

#? ~ A Schedule/chore chart (for Mom!)

#? ~ Menu/meal planning

#? ~ Cleaning

#? ~

On to Baby Step #1!

Learning Fun For Preschoolers

For those who are LDS there is some great information for mothers & families about pre-schooling in the Family Home Evening Resource Book.  Enjoy!

Keeping it real...

Yesterday was a GREAT day!  And today was really good... but reality/discouragement took hold a bit tonight.

So why?  Well things in this household, with 4 boys ages 5yr, 2 - 3yrs, & 1yr old, tend to balance on the edge of what I call survival living... always doing the basics, but isn't that what motherhood is all about?  Possibly, but my husband and I dream of something more!   We would both love for the house to be cleaner and more organized and orderly so that come that one wonderful day of the week when we have a whole day with Daddy, we aren't spending it cleaning!  We have tried multiple times to find solutions and techniques to help me keep up with it all... to no lasting avail.  I took a great class called "A clean house in minutes a day" a year or so ago from Mary Ann of Mary Ann's Cupboards... but didn't implement it into my home at that time (due to Andrew being born).  So I pulled out my class binder and started looking at it. We decided that a good deal of the problem was that our mornings were starting off way to slow with a lot of bad habits.  So we went through and laid out a plan of new good habits to have and do everyday so that I am able to accomplish something more than the absolute basics.  Our day now starts at 6am, earlier if we want any personal study time.  And the first day was AWESOME!  I also found ways to distract the boys from all TV or computer (myself included) for the whole day!!!  We had a great day the best, happiest, and fun filled we've had in a long time!!  On top of that I got a lot of cleaning and organizing done!

Today started off really good... but then a few old habits slipped in, and things started going down hill... I got distracted on the computer for 1/2 hr, and lost the pace that I'd been moving at.  And at the end of the day, honestly my house seems like it is back to square one... floors need vacuumed, mopped, dishes need done, laundry needs folded, toys are scattered, and oh how the paper piles are my nemesis!  No wonder they say a mother's work is never done, whether than means mothering the children, or working in the home it applies both ways I'm sure.  I'm exhausted... so good night and hopefully tomorrow I'll stay on track and feel a little more accomplished by the end of the day.  Though if I look at it through the eyes of being a mother (not the housewife eyes) then today was really good.  The boys had a fun day, we read stories, had "school" time, made bread, went to the park for a picnic with daddy, went shopping, tried to fly a kite in our culdesac, and I feel that I did much better than usual at keeping my patience and responding in loving ways.  Keeping it real... trying to keep a balance.

Understanding Emotions

There was a wonderful write up in the Church News about "Understanding emotions in early childhood helps overall health."  (You can listen to the whole lecture here or here.)  It really brought home for me and put into words some of the feelings and thoughts that I have been pondering lately.  That of the difference between the worlds multiple pop-parenting views and ideas, and that of a Christ like Charity, true gospel centered parenting.  I feel like my mind has been so bombarded with all of the social stigmas of what a child should and should not say or do, the schedule a child should keep, and the best methods of how to get a child to do what you want him/her to do, that I have allowed some bad habits into our parenting lives.  And lately it has been really pressing upon my mind, wondering what the true approaches should be, and how to still the frustration that I feel when one of my boys doesn't always do what I want him to do when I want him to do it or acts out in ways that I think are unacceptable.  I have been feeling lately that a lot of the little things that happen daily don't really matter in the eternal sense of things, you know; a potty accident, not being as quick getting ready for the day, getting out of bed at night for this-that-or the other.  It isn't what they do or don't do that matters, it is what I do or don't do in response that matters!  It really hit home when I heard my oldest child reprimanding one of the younger ones and thought "where did he learn to that?" and realized that unfortunately he has learned it from me.  It wasn't awful but it wasn't charitable loving or kind.  And I realized that with all I'm 'trying' to 'teach' them by different 'methods' isn't really teaching them, it was my attitude, tone of voice, and facial expressions that they were really learning, my charity and love or lack there of.  And I must say that when feeling frustrated that they 'still hadn't learned not to _______'  (hit their brother, call names, fight, take toys away, etc... all ways that children express their feelings); that my tone of voice and attitude was generally frustrated or aggravated or exasperated, not so charitable...  and I have been pondering on and working on seeing things from a different light.  Trying not to compare my children to what I think everyone else might think of them (because really I doubt anyone really takes the time to analyze them like that anyway... I know I don't do that to anyone else's children, my mind is usually to full of taking care of my children).   Instead I am going to work on seeing them as the Savior does, as Heavenly Father wants me to see them, and to love them and Show that Love in my face, tone of voice, actions, and words.  That they learn by my example to be kind and loving and to teach each other, instead of reprimanding or commanding, to help us all along the path of charity, love, and back into our Father's loving arms.

Some other wonderful thoughts and resources that enhance the idea of charitable Parenting:


Chapter 3: Teaching Infants and Toddlers: from Birth to Approximately Three Years,"  A Parent's Guide, (1985)

"While your children are very young, you can teach them the value of loving and being loved. "

"... if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them. For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and your [children]—however wayward they might be … when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but … approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. … Get them to feel as you feel, have interest in the things in which you take interest, to love the gospel as you love it, to love one another as you love them; to love their parents as the parents love the children. You can’t do it any other way” 

“our children are the most precious gift that our Father bestows upon us. If we can guide their feet in the pathway of salvation, there will be joy eternal for us and for them”

 "Be loving when you correct your children. Do not withhold affection from them as a way to chastise them, for they may not learn to give affection to others."

Chapter 4: Teaching Children: from Four to Eleven Years," A Parent’s Guide, (1985)

"The home is the best place in the world to teach the child self-restraint, to give him happiness in self-control, and respect for the rights of others."

“I feel that the first contribution of the home to the happiness of the child is to impress him with the fact that there are bounds beyond which he cannot go with safety; second, to teach him to be considerate of the rights of others; third, to have him feel that home is a place where confidences and consolations are exchanged; and fourth, to have him cherish the thought that home is a haven of seclusion and rest from the worries and perplexities of life” ~ Pres. David O. McKay

Now, just because I have written this, am I doing it just perfectly?  No, I am human, I make mistakes.  But I am working on Becoming better and striving to do these things!  That is the great thing about this life, we get to consistently work to Become more than we are, more like Him.  And writing it all out, helps, because now on 'one of those days' I can come back and read and re-experience the feelings and answers that I have found, to help me continue working to Become the best mother that I can be.

Pre-school musings.... again....

I am constantly trying to assess the best ways to "pre-school" our little boys and I continue to find that I am not in agreement with the ideas that are presented in many preschools and preschool curriculum's.  Children are meant to be children, and from many of my studies, even as an Early-childhood education major in college, I  find more and more evidence that the logic of learning through enjoyable, relaxed, and home-made activities and from the everyday love and guidance of the mother, is the best possible education a child can have!  I keep fretting that I haven't "scheduled" out a perfect preschool for 2 hours twice a week.  But then I see how much enjoyment my boys have in being able to just do things when we are in the right moment.  For example, the other morning they had a ball cutting up construction paper into a million little pieces, there was no pressure to cut perfectly on the lines or peer pressure, but they are learning to use scissors and fine-motor skills and mostly enjoying being a child and exploring the cause and effects in their world.

 As I think back to when I was a child... I was not required to preform and do certain things that put me under pressure to "do it right, or like so-and-so"?  I was allowed the freedom to explore and try new things within the safety and security of a loving home environment.  I think most of us who are mothers now did not experience preschool, as it was not such a widespread and "expected" thing during our childhood.  In fact Pre-school was started as a program for children who were deprived a stable loving environment to learn the basics in, and it has obviously changed into a social "norm".  We may not have had all the experiences, socialization, and crafts in the same manner that can be had now... but I certainly do not regret it!

 I had my mother, she lovingly watched over me, she sang to me, she read to me, she taught me many things through everyday experiences, she gave me the freedom to enjoy my childhood without the structure and pressures of adult life and schooling at too young an age.  That is what I want for my children.  Life has so many pressures and structure and responsibility and time passes all to quickly.  Children are meant to learn joy from their mothers, just as we are meant to have Joy in our children, and we can learn so much from watching and taking time to be with them and love them.  And to experience the joy and satisfaction of seeing their eyes light up when they learn something new for the first time.

 I love Sis. Hinckley's attitude toward having her children at home "(she) loved the sound of the screen door slamming shut as the children ran in from the backyard... Marjorie savored the days she had her five to herself, and she went to great lengths to keep summers unstructured so her young ones would have time to lie in the gully and listen to the birds sing if they wanted to.  She wept each fall when it was time to send her brood back to school; even when school was in session she looked forward to the moment each day when her children burst through the door and started scrounging for an afternoon snack..." Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley pg.52-53  I want to cultivate that feeling into my heart, family, and my children's lives.  THIS is my time to enjoy every minute I can and teach my children through my daily living and love.

    But believe me, I have days that I just needed a break from it all and that life and responsibilities seems so very demanding.  I am not the perfect mother, no one is, but I am working on becoming the best mother I can be, as we all are.  I love the word becoming, to become means: to undergo change or development, and I like the idea that we are all working towards becoming who we and more importantly who our Beloved Father in Heaven wants us to become.  I feel that that means that we don't have to be perfect right now, we all make mistakes, but we can continue to work toward what we can become, and it gives me hope and optimism.  

Some links that have furthered my thoughts on preschool...

Should I send my child to Preschool?
Better Late than Early

"No, No, No, No, No"

  If you can imagine hearing the title come from an unhappy 5 year old you just might hear what I heard last night.  "That is all you ever say!  No, no, no, no, no!"  We had just suggested that there was no dessert for the evening, since Halloween and each proceeding holiday, we seem to have had candy in our home consistently.  And we are trying to scale it back (I just need to throw it out, then there would be no discussion. ;-)   He also mentioned this same thing a few nights ago, when he really opened up to me about some of his frustrations, as well as that I say "just a minute" far to often.  And honestly it took me back for a minute, realizing what I was doing.  As I thought on it, a quote I had read came to mind - again from Sis. Hinckley's book.

"My mother taught me some basic philosophies of rearing children.  One is that you have to trust children.  I tried hard never to say "no" if I could possibly say "yes."  I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could." pg.55

I would like my boys to feel that I trust them and that they are responsible... so I'm going to work on not saying no, except for when it Really matters.  I remember in one of my Family Sciences classes discussing how parents should try to save saying "No" for life and death sort of matters or in other words the times that it is really important and then children will learn to respect that word more.  And not feel like "I think that is the 100th time today I've heard you say no, why does it matter more this time?"  Beyond that they will feel validated and that you have more respect for them because you aren't always giving negative feedback.  Of course that doesn't mean you are a doormat to their whims!  There are a multitude of other ways to help a child realize that something can't happen the way they want or right at that moment.  What else is there to do?  Ask questions!  If I ask them what is right or wrong (there should be some background lessons during unemotional teaching moments on what is right and wrong) or what we should do, they usually know!  If not it is much easier to help them find the right answer then when I say no....  When they give me the answer, they are far less likely to think that throwing a fit will change my mind.  They also feel like they are more in control of themselves which helps them feel responsible, trusted, and valued.  And though it is sometimes harder for me to do because it requires more forethought... it is much easier and happier for everyone involved!

"Just save the Relationship"

Latest trial in life, one of my little ones is painfully shy, very painfully.  He especially cannot handle large groups of people where he feels that he is expected to preform... like primary, library story time, preschool groups, etc... We have been trying to get him to go to primary without us going too or a meltdown for 2 yrs now.  Before moving ~ 10 months ago things finally settled down and he was comfortable enough with his teachers and fellow classmates to go without any worries.  Then we moved.  And we tried to keep the same routine... needless to say it didn't work.  So we tried the pop-pychology method of leave him, he'll cry and fight for a few minutes and then be fine.  It didn't work either.  I mean he stayed in class usually (with his wonderful teacher holding him) but after months of doing this we weren't getting far, in fact it was causing a lot of residual problems with his trust in us.  I mean what do you think a child would start to think after multiple times of being truly nervous and scared of a situation and doing all you could to let your parents know that you were not comfortable and they say, "sorry too bad, see ya, this is good for you" (we didn't say that... but that is likely what he was feeling).  It didn't do much for his trust and relationship with us.  So we had a parental time-out and looked at our "play" for this situation and realized what we were doing wasn't working and was actually augmenting the problem.  So we tried a new "play" (I'll have to explain this more later - kinda like a football team/coaches come up with plays for their team).  And started back at square one with one of us sitting with him through sharing time of primary, once they headed to the smaller class room he really did fine on a more personal level, so we would bow out and head to our class.  And it has been working!  Then we started working our way out of sharing time a little earlier each week, once we knew he was comfortable enough to not feel nervous when we were gone.  We are down to 5-10 mins now!

My big concern is how things are going to work when we head to Kindergarten next year.  This is part of the reason I decided to take care of preschool myself (which I'll be honest - hasn't been as structured or frequent as I'd planned, and I obviously haven't kept up with blogging what we do).   We are in a babysitting co-op (which is great!) and one of the girls we had over the other day was in the pre-schooling co-op, which we had decided not to join in on in the fall.  But watching him interact with her and with the way things are going now with primary, I'm beginning to think he may be ready for a new change... and started thinking about preschool co-op.    The catch is that I'd need to be able to stay with him for the first 5-10 mins (at least) every preschool day.   And the other one is that once again, I just don't like the idea of leaving his education at this age to someone else... ugh I'm caught.  What I'd love is a preschool co-op where a few mom's worked together to provide preschool for their children and had a schedule etc, but didn't drop off their kids... all stayed together and worked together.  A Mother & Me Preschool!

Anyway what I was really getting at with this post is... everyone tells me to let him cry, just leave him and he'll be fine.  And I tried that, but it does not work for him, and no I don't think that we are coddling him.  I've even had people say I should talk to a psychologist about it... but I don't think he needs that.  I was really flustered about everything, wondering what was the best thing to do... and it came to me all of a sudden, "Just save the relationship" I had read this years ago in Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  Yes he may get around to accepting the fact that that is how school goes, but he would be resistant and it would deteriorate his relationship with us (as we already learned), and he would likely learn to hate school.  So despite what anyone thinks of me, him, all of us... I am going to work on saving the relationship.  Because in the end, it won't matter whether he was the perfect school child walking into class, it doesn't matter if people think something of us because we have to work harder to help him be comfortable in new situations, it Does matter how he feels and what he thinks of us as his mom and dad and our love for him.  So now when I'm not sure what to do, if our relationship hangs in the balance I will "Just save the relationship" because if we are close to him, we can be a much greater influence for good in his life.